love is not a brick

love scares me too. I wish I could understand it better, but its not a brick. I cant hold it, throw it away or break it.

love changes, it comes and it goes, its pure bliss one moment and a dark bruised sky the next.

 

 

 

                                   its unpredictable
  its fearful


 

the show must go on

the other day I caught myself laughing at something I didn't even think was funny. I just laughed cause everyone else was laughing and I thought then maybe I should.

 

 

 

 

 

I put on a show too much for the people around me.

 

 

 

 

 

 actors. we are all a little fake

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cause sometimes its too hard to be who I really am. maybe that's just cause I don't really know exactly who I am yet.

 

 

 

its almost impossible not to put on some sort of act through high school. we each have the need to fit in. I admit it, I do.

 

 

 

 

but so do you

 

 

 

 

as does the cheerleader who hates cheerleading but does it cause its cool

 and the kid that started doing drugs, not cause he wanted to but he did it to fit in

 and the kids who cheat their way through every test

 or the "hipster"

 and the girl who has a million and two followers but not many friends

 and the kid who fakes a smile. inside you might be miserable. but its easier to smile then explain why your sad

 

 

don't worry I get it



ive been there

 

 

 

im pretty sure we all have...

 

 

 

we put on masks.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 all of us are actors in this production of life. and sometimes im the biggest faker of all.

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

banana pancakes

boy, lets fall in love. lets stay up till 3am talking on the phone, not wanting to say goodbye. lets bake cookies in my moms kitchen and get covered in flour from our heads to our toes. lets laugh about it for hours. lets eat all the cookie dough till we can no longer move. lets find a meadow and watch the ancient stars all night like some cliché junior high kids. lets be cute and write songs about love and sing them to each other even though we both suck at singing.

but who cares.

 lets climb a mountain and scream something stupid at the top cause no one else can hear it. lets blast the music in your crappy car, singing as loud as we can. lets spend a day in the library cause we have nothing better to do than read poetry to each other.


lets pretend nothing else matters.

lets paint my room red and get paint in our hair. lets visit paris and eat fancy chocolate. lets tell each other our darkest secrets and cry in each others arms when we are hurt. lets make banana pancakes and pretend like its the weekend. lets fly a kite and get it stuck in a tree. lets drive to the middle of no where and lets kiss each other cause no one will be watching us

finally.

lets forget about everyone else, lets forget about everything else. boy, lets fall in love.

People shape our lives

I want to take time to thank some people. These people don't know im writing about them, maybe im writing about you and you would never know it...

 

 

 

 

 To the amazing women who brought me into this world. Who was not only my mother and preschool teacher but she has been my best friend. The kind of friend that you know will always be there for you even when you hurt them. Sorry for all the mean words I've said to you mom, but thanks for always being there anyways.

 

 

 

 

To the man who has been my biggest support. Coming to every game, cheering me on, and watching out for me with everything, especially the boys that come to the door. Thanks dad.

 

 

 

 

To the childhood friend who I grew up with since birth. You savored your childhood and never wanted to grow up, thanks for bringing me along with you. You taught me to dream. Disneyland was our playground every week as a kid. I will never forget those happy days. Thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

To the beautiful little girl who came into my life at just two years old, and changed my life for the better. We've been by each other's sides all these years. From the bubble baths and dress up together as children to now experiencing high school together, its been quite the adventure. Thanks sis.

 

 

 

 

 

To my four best friends. I wouldn't want to go through high school with anyone else. We've been inseparable from the time we first met at the swimming pool that warm summer afternoon. And we have been dancing, singing, running, crying and laughing like the crazy high school girls that we are each day since. Thanks, for always giving me something to smile about.

 

 

 

 

 

And to the big man upstairs who has given me everything, given me life. I cant thank you enough.

A tribute to Robin Williams

 

You might only remember him as the famous man who committed suicide about a month ago, but I remember him as more than that, I hope you do too.

 

 

Robin Williams was a huge part of my childhood. I grew up watching movies like Flubber, Jumanji, Mrs. Doubtfire, RV, and many more. I could sit there for hours, fully entertained as a child, laughing at this crazy man.  

 

Although he consistently put a smile on my face, he wasn't just a comedian. He taught me to be happy and surround myself with people that build me up and make me feel alive.

"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."

 

 Robin Williams was a brilliantly crazy man with a enthusiasm for life that taught me that its okay to be a little crazy.

 

 

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

Thanks for making my childhood just that much better Robin, you'll be missed.

 

 

Imperfection

What makes me HUMAN?

...

 

SOS

 

I have written this post and deleted it about five times now....I just cant seem to make it perfect. I have major writers block.

 

I guess that's what makes me human. I'm not perfect.

 

Sorry guys, ill write more next week, right now im fine with this imperfect post.

How to be happy

         Dear Future Self,

 

        Breathe.

 

         You are enough.

 

         You have enough.

 

        Be confident.

 

       Be you.

 

          Stop waiting for Friday, for summer, for someone to fall in love with you, for life. Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for it and make the most of the moment you are in now.

 

      Be happy.

 

   Be crazy.

 

    Be stupid.

 

      Enjoy today.

I was a kid once

 

I remember a time when the color blue didn't mean sadness or loss but was a color of the sky above.

 

I remember a time when I didn't care at all what others thought of what I did, what I made or how I looked. As a kid I painted, I danced, I sang, I drew, for me.

 

I remember a time when the color red had nothing to do with feelings of rage or anger, but was the color of sunsets, fire trucks, and candy canes.

 

I remember that time. I was a kid once.

And I too had my crayons of creativity stolen from me, and its time to take them back. Cause im pretty pissed at the person who taught me to only draw inside the lines. And I don't appreciate whoever taught me to erase the "mistakes" I made. As a child there were no mistakes, only art. There is still that kid inside each of us, so let your imagination be free again, only then can we take back what is rightfully ours. Because I believe that "the creative adult is the child who survived."